Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

1. Men are like . .... Laxatives . ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.  read more

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.

He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.  read more

MARRIAGE,
[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history;
[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";
[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;
[4] a very good way to promote civilisation -- if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher {Socrates}
[5] a process much like a cafeteria -- you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best -- and pay later;
[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;
[7] a word which always means commitment -- but so does insanity;  read more

THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED 'LIFE'

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages.  read more

A few years after I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mum taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey.  read more

The Female always makes The Rules.

The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

The Female is never wrong.  read more

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.  read more

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?  read more

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.

She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.  read more

This thought comes almost everyday, We have become close friends as we were one in the same.
Then soon enough it will be the end I cry almost every minute So much pain, so much hurt My feelings and memories are like a hurricane. I'm alone, scared during this storm and as the tears run down my face .  read more