What is the definition of an engineer?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

When does a person decide to become an engineer?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
He looks at your shoes, when he's talking to you, rather than his own.

Why did the engineers cross the road?
Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and proceed to fold up a road map the wrong way.

Some say a glass is half full
some say it is half empty
An engineer says you got the wrong size glass