Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience :- The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher :- A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in RO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father :- A banker provided by nature.

Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician :- One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.